A World Apart

Truth is One paths are many

2008-01-10T21:29:00.001-08:00

It's easy to say, "I don't know"
But, has easy been the path I chose
This way towards dancing in the light
I believe is worth the fight

I dreamt all this one night and awoke to a terrible sight
The waking moments so unclear, the dreams scarier in the light
I still had 2 legs to walk on although 1 was clearly not there
What is this happening with eyes open? If when closed I seem so broken?

Confined in a space that appears safe
I wander along in a haze
Sounds of cleverness fill my mind
Yet, where is the stillness necessary to define
This heart of awareness

My journey awaits
I anticipate the moment
When I can breathe without thinking

It is a journey
of the heart
of the Self
of my very own nature

I seek to be truly -- me

Years from now when I review these words only I can know if the path I followed was to lead me to freedom, truth and the next evolution of existence as I propel my craft down this liquid solution

Helium Is The Ultimate High

2007-12-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

What is HOPE
but a dreamers
way out

No responsibility
trail & error
the test of humanity

Now go out there
make a change
quit pinning all on
"Yes-ter-day"

I've got my own life
to live TODAY
HOPES & WISHES
washed out in the rain

I watched it change through the window
it seemed to me a shiny new version
where I had it all figured out
but, it's all the same shit
I've always had

As you see I operate somewhere
between illusion and reality

At times...
I thought it was all
too much to take
and now awake
It's still a dream

Too bad you had to
remember me
our dreams got crossed
somewhere around here and there

Take time
become silence
it's a hellish drift
of knowing the difference
between the door
and the whore

Who said she'd give you
the key to find your way back
from today

he knew we were already so far

we lost time
somewhere down the hole
and chose to stay

our playground in the sun
was self-made
who could ever take it away?

{EDIT}
~~Never heard or read this before... I found this after I shared this~~

"Where were you when I was burned and broken? While the days slipped by from my window watching? Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless? Because the things you say and the things you do surround me while you were hanging yourself on someone else's words. Dying to believe in what you heard. I was staring straight into the shining sun. Lost in thought and lost in time. While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted. Outside the rain fell dark and slow. While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime. I took a heavenly ride through our silence. I knew the moment had arrived. For killing the past and coming back to life. I took a heavenly ride through our silence. I knew the waiting had begun and headed straight . . . into the shining sun" (david gilmour)

I wanna see you come back as the LIGHT

2007-09-05T22:47:00.001-07:00

The beginning and the end beginning again. Love, peace and harmony. These precious things... hope I find my way back without breaking that wrinkle in time this time. Pure Being. OM MANI PADME HUM

Let's get this race run or at least break the barrier that prevents the gun from setting the pace. Apparently we are truly afraid of breaking thru that gate.

Why this time? What went so wrong? Too many choices, me thinks... too many places to be at once. Magick in a time without Magick. Saturn, Jupiter and Mars changing place, a certain consistent movement of space in time. Who listens? Who sees? Such thin ice. The search for samadhi. To relinquish into the unknown. Releasing the self... destined for freedom, happiness and bliss. Only the truly Enlightened can be and remain spontaneously free. Become this. Wants this. Know this. Then forget it all.

Cut the dead weight off. Can you smoke that pipe and make the smell of vanilla remain? I love that smell an emergence of life in time vanishing in space. Is the air so thin? Why do I have to remind you? Can't you see yourself from this side of the mirror?

Set this to music... I have and wish you could hear the colors and see the sounds. I think I know what prevents you.

ba da-dum, ba-dum, ba da-dum, ba-dum ...

21st Century Schiziod Man

2007-07-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

It all started out the usual way
Then all H E L L broke loose... as they say
A lesson to be learned.

The hot, the cold, the wet and dry
It became indistinguishable
Kinda like when my glasses broke, that was 1987.

That was forever ago.
Feels like yesterday
Even though NOTHING is the same.

A blurred vision
An open ear
A wound beyond repair.

What does IT "really" look like.
Too many memories getting in the way.
Wake me up when you think it's over, ok?

aaaahhhh... breath.
aaaahhhh... birth.
what's all this talk here lately bout next T I M E?!?!?!?

Shutting down, system failure
Lock and load
The bells are ringing

release me... release me... again

it's safe. relief. beyond your wildest dreams.
perhaps I came to say, "It's okay".
Life is for the taking
Now, take it away

This whole queston of "identity"
Reeks of an eternal earthbound prison.
Caw-Caw!!! It's 4:54 am, time for bed.

a vision appears, it's coming thick and fast!
E N-L I G H T-E N D

It's not so easy

2007-05-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

The phone rang. There was that moment when your throat finds it hard to swallow. I lulled about, opened the cell and due to my dilly dallying, “the call” was missed.

I don't think I shall avoid it once again, it's that call that says, “I'm sorry there was nothing more we could do”. I knew. It was not fear that prevented me. It was my apathy.

Not fear of death or the unknown keeps us striving for holding onto life. No, it is LOVE. Love. Lo♥e. Sweet as honey. The same feeling that in a flash, disappears into a spiraling void.

Beyond our words a space exists in which the fantasy of moving into the shadow from form, we get a glimpse of a new plane where love remains the same. A sea of honey.

thank you sun, thank you moon

2007-05-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

this language is not our own to own
taught words in order to be controlled

letting go of learning
laughing and only miles away

tingling to think of all that may take place
joy has given me a nod
and I stick my feet out the window
seat belt off and feel the freedom, freedom has to offer

for CC

inside OUTSIDE

2007-05-11T14:28:00.001-07:00

sitting in silence on the inside
surrounded by an unending bell ringing

left aside to dry out in the sun
deflated like an ego

waiting for the rain
to wake me up

so i can begin my run
in this human race

silly thing unhappiness
can't snap out of it

too many secrets sitting
too many games being played

perhaps it is better if i cool in the shade
and chill for awhile rest my eyes

and begin again, anew

Sail You Home

2007-05-09T02:17:00.003-07:00

I'm his safety net and I'm free falling without a parachute. Waiting for the next incredible tragedy to strike and test me just enough so that I may somehow show insignificantly that I'm strong enough to take it. Why is it the people I have loved have to test me by dying not once (near death) but twice and expect me to be accepting of them dying again. See, it's this whole letting go, "zen" mind process that I strive for but in this human money making machine driven life that I live in that concept of "accepting" really does not make half the sense that it should. All of this fills me with that deep aching that you know can go on for an eternity. I am a giving person, at the time though I may not be giving for the right reasons. Selfishness meeting selfishness and fighting it out to the death, for what? Is it worth it?

There has to be a breaking point and maybe this is it. Because this hollowness is equal to death. He says he loves and yet I am made aware each day of the finality of the bond made in that rainy sky that day I cried and said "I do". My changes have been more plenty of late, but that is only to accommodate the failures he is realizing of his own. I never asked for the stars. I only craved the safety and security he has found in me. Perhaps knowing it is there in me should be enough. Unfortunately it is not. Wisdom is a guessing game these days. Religion a playground. Science art without life. What is it for I fell into this light? Lightly I have not made of any of the mercy received, yet I feel I must be paying a high karmic price for the failures of not seeing the need to give of myself till the self is no longer an entity to be played with.

S O L I P S I S M vs. True Man

2007-04-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

Okay here I go... (id before ego)

There is a game we all play
no need to ask why for it is just that way
a Fool will engage his time in your mind
how can you prevent this crime
(even a dog follows him in trust)

Regardless of insight you will be caught up in his fight
there is a goal for the Fool and he will not relinquish
until you have given over your right
but be wary, at times it may not appear simply as
acquiescence arising from hopelessness

Hold strong to the light that has brought you this far
and relish in the knowing that it was never
yours to begin with... for the Fool seeks out the weak
and revels in illusion, True Man cannot push a rope
nor hold tight to a vision that does not belong to him

It is not artlessly veiled for a Fool is very contrived
his art is filled with hate and Fortune is coming
but... his gait is like that of a mule
driven by no one... for he is Fortune's Fool
his game is ego by no other name

"confusion will be my epitaph"

Community of Dogs Delight

2007-03-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

"In Communist states, state institutions and party institutions depend on each other to function effectively".

Hmmm... this got me to thinking tonight. Read between the lines. We've got one chance to get it right and that time is NOW. So what's UP?

Where do we stand today? We don't. We have ultimately failed. Our "way of thought" is not our own. It's their way or no way. Freedoms have been removed and replaced with Rules. Don't be a slave to freedom. Remember what it meant as child to explore and make it up as you went along... well now they make us UP so we GO along! It makes a communist state look good to me if the end result is "to function effectively".

Democracy has seen its day! JFK once very eloquently said, "Those who make peaceful revolutions impossible will make VIOLENT revolutions inevitable". Don't you see that's where we're going? When will the revolution come? Well, my friend that is entirely up to you! What kind of changes do you wish to see? Talk about it all you want, but that won't make it happen. The proof is in the pudding. What are you willing to put in?

I think we've been on auto pilot way too long and it's time to set the pace and motivate our way back to freedom. Try and free your mind all you want under these conditions and try to forget the horrors of the day to day, but as long as you draw breath you will find yourself here, among the sheep asleep at the wheel (will) of your destiny! Unless YOU wake up and take control! As Bob Marley says, "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds."

What are you willing to let GO? TAKE IT BACK!!! We have always been fighting more for a state of mind than a land. Is knowledge the end or the beginning.

if they only knew...

2007-03-11T12:15:00.002-07:00

awake from the dream... jeu d'esprit

2007-01-11T08:32:00.001-08:00

This is a time of enhanced vision and revelation. The veils are dissolving all around us. The boundaries between the worlds are dropping away. The Greater Reality is being revealed as never before. It is like awaking from a long dream. A dream that we didn't even know that we were dreaming...
Now we begin the process of discovering where we really are. As we look around us with totally new eyes and vastly expanded perceptions, we see a very different world than the one we thought was there. Everything is vaster... Everything is woven into Oneness. The matrix of the One is revealed... The Greater Reality is in the HERE AND NOW.
We are not who we thought we were, but far vaster and freer. We can now see and feel the threads of our beings interwoven into our One Being. Our One Being shakes off the last vestiges of slumber and starts to rise. A new era is beginning... that of our ONE BEING IN ACTION.
Get ready for the ride of your life.

The EVOLUTION has begun!!!

Time Is Money

2006-12-14T03:21:00.000-08:00

Except, for maybe this time...

Everything is losing hold, my sanity, my "hope" and anything that could have been.
I drove myself to the edge and "I" caved. Is that "letting go"?
What more can I offer.
Note that, I am not asking a question here just stating a fact.
What more can I offer.
All the words I hear are flooding my mind. Including those which once filled me with joy.

My dreams have turned to dust. I guess some dreams really should be crushed. Venture Capitalists, should be called Vulture Cannibals'. Fly by night take the money and run! Here today and gone tomorrow. Better get it done fast, because it's not gonna last. A little like that paper, I used to jot this crap on.

I grew up listening to Kate Bush and Pink Floyd. Their words were so filled with declarative statements. What I've learned is... the less one is likely to make declarative statements, the less one is likely to look foolish in retrospect. Oh, what a fool I've been. Now I return to the world of the working. Selling my time for money. TIME, that which some may view as their "most valuable commodity". [If you're picking up what I'm dropping...then you KNOW "time" is the next barrier to be broken on our way towards the infinite.]

It is of no matter...

There really is so little that we human beings can offer except bartering time for money.

Which I view not as progress, but a result of industry and technology, you know, the branch of knowledge that deals with the creation and use of technical means and their interrelation with life, society, and the environment, drawing upon applied science and pure science. The sum of the ways in which social groups provide themselves with the material objects of their civilization. [I'll spare you my diatribe on Political Science, it doesn't even rate a mention at this point in time, all things considered!]

So... does that makes us all scientologists and we just don't know it?And if so, why is everyone giving them shit for their beliefs? Why do so many people make the mistake of confusing belief for being a sale out? Do we have to turn to the blue eyed figure for answers to prayers and if that's okay, why are so many people down on those who pray to the blue skinned god? siva or ganesha or the other 45 + deities out there?

"Let's pretend we don't exist, let's pretend we're in Antarctica"... sorry about that. I must confess here that I am a bit of a technofreak and my 60GB ipod music carried me away for a moment there. "I'm a consumer WHORE!!!". Eh, hem... back to the current dilemma.

I guess this is where I fail. I don't wish/ hope/ request success. All I ever wanted was to live. Not drive myself towards anything but clarity. And, in some ways I can say that I do see things clearer. But, I most definitely have not made a shift in the universe. Not through my will, which was and is the only thing that we really own and was ever going to present a possible truth in my becoming an in-light-end member of the human race.

Or, so I thought.

So, back to work I go... Hi-Ho (get it Ho?) tee-hee, at least I can maintain a sense of humor in all of this so called Life. Maybe I've become comfortably NUMB. Living is not a guarantee of freedom.
It is of no matter...

One of these days.

See, here are truly some words that I subscribed to memory and wish to pass on. But, yet again I cannot remember who said them first.

"Real thinking requires courage. Question who you are. Interpret life through the eyes of your own experience. All cultures are cultures of conformity. The only failures are that of lessons unlearned [Starfisher gets credit for that last one, thanks Sarah]".

As for myself, the times I ever felt really free were singing along with the spree and now that joy has escaped me. But, I am a permanent member of the FRAGILE ARMY!

The Manipulated Dead

2006-11-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

don't look at me... I didn't do it...

"all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces
bright and early for their daily races
going no where, going no where
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow

and i find it kind of funny and i find it kinda sad
the dreams in which i'm dieing are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world, mad world

children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday

and I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen, sit and listen

went to school and I was very nervous
no one knew me, no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me, look right through me

and I find it kinda funny i find it kinda sad
the dreams in which i'm dieing are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take
when people run in circles it's a very very
mad world

a mad world
enlarging your world
mad world"

[I know you know this]-roland orzabal

In The Lost and Found

2006-10-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

And, with experience both positive and true, we all see beauty and mind fade, yet time remain. Can't you see the beauty in my mind? Is time too much with you? Can we proceed in a life where the question of time too can fade? Here is my wish.

This moon, these children of the sun, this current phase. This empty space. Is it not all in a constant state of flux? Is it not all a path that will one day lead to a realization of oneness? This place waits to comfort me. Keeping me waiting. Do you know the whole story? I'm high on poppies and HOPE.

Clearly the past is behind you. Yet we wander through the ether and awake as space sees its way fit. Not always clear. Not always seamless. Yet we carry on in a world that lies, in more ways than one, to gain an understanding of the plane on which we stand. I'm further away than before.

There's nothing here. Look to the sky. Dress like the sky. Skyclad in my nothingness. Abandon hope?

Not one of us can say we have an answer. And not one of us can say, stay and perhaps we can in time devise a plan. We are all beings with dreams that hold a possible truth, that can only work if we free our minds of time, if only for that moment, in order to deliver a synesthetic proof.

As each new dawn fades, I reach for a goal that I have yet to define. I reach for a mind I have to refine. I scarcely find my mind merge with others. They seem so discouraged. Yet, I feel it shall happen as it should. Whatever that should, could be. It is, as we know only a matter of time.

"Life is just a dream", so they say. Now, tell me...which one of us is dreaming?

LO♥E

2006-09-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." - Arundhati Roy

My bowl

2006-09-08T20:00:00.000-07:00

It would be better if… something else. I don’t know what else, but nothing else has been adequate, so far. I entertain ideas of else! Something else, elsewhere. I’m hosting fantasies.

God! It smells like a junkyard after a thunderstorm in here, the wet stone, the wet iron and who knows what else. I’m chilled to my bones. Some clothes would be nice. There’s flint littering the floor, too. Why call it a floor? It’s not a floor. It’s the surface I walk on when I can take a few steps in a random direction. There’s one more flash. Sometimes, I barely know my right from my left. I pretend I’m writing with a pencil to know it, just like I did when I was a child. East? West? If I had an internal compass, all this stone full of iron surrounding me would wash it out. How long have I been in here? There’s no day or night.

I awake.

My head! My neck! Evidently, I’ve been bashed in the head. There was a horrible jolt. There was the briefest moment of shock and pain, and I saw sparks fly in all directions. Then, I was in utter darkness again. That does it! I vow to stop walking without the light. It’s a sin. I’m being punished for it. By whom? Now there’s another stupid question. Am I horizontal?

No more speech.

What? My tongue is a sandwich. My body and my brain are soup. I still have my bowl. It holds the soup. Without it, I’d be lost! Please! Set my bowl afloat on the river. It’s so important to me. I can see it, now. Half-full of vegetables, noodles and broth, it rides low in the water. It floats on the waves for some time until it becomes awash with the murky, green water.

It sinks.

It’s me there I see. It is I, there in the bowl. The fish will eat some of the vegetables and the noodles. The broth will dissolve into the rest of the river water, which is also soup. The water will evaporate and be purified. I’ll fall again in the rain. I’ll fall into the bushes and trees. The bamboo and the grasses will drink me up. The soil will become more soup from which I’ll grow in the plants. People will make soup with the plants and the bamboo shoots. People will make more soup from me.

I will tell you a secret. The bushes, trees and grasses, in the winter, they whisper. "Make paper from my inner bark. Make cloth from my fibers, ink and charcoal from my burned, wooden, bare winter bones. Take the summer leaves and make dye, indigo. Make me blank paper, off white. Make a brush from hair and one of my limbs. Stain me with my own image in skillful, dancing movements. Then, burn me again."

I tell you. I beg you. Don’t paint in these caves. Stay in the forest, the savanna. Stay in the open lands. Never leave the sunlight. Forsake metal forever, iron, bronze, even gold - especially gold. Love the land. Love the sky, the water. Love this earth.

I sleep.

God! I’m awake again! I’m outside, bathing in the even, gray light of a pale, overcast day. Brilliant! I’m outside! In the summer, in the bright, clear days of summer, the winds push and pull, curl and fashion the clouds as if a brush were leaving graceful traces. In the path of its wielder’s hand, the dance of her arm and her body is her personality. Every stroke is grace. But on this winter day, the air is so heavy with water that the wind leaves no trace of its movements in the clouds. Yet it is as sweet to me as a vernal equinox.

Every day she leaves her signature on the sky, on the land and in the water. On days like this all her movement is a wash. The sun is a candle shining behind rice paper. That shining, translucent gray, how beautiful it is. It’s the color of winter, and it is like a symphony, to me. It’s there as if for the first time, for me. In my conscious mind, where it didn’t exist for me before, now it is the marrow within my bones of experience. It fills my throat, my lungs with the air of home. The experience is not confined within me. My being reaches out to it. I am touching this sky.

When I was a child, I would color with the smelly crayons, and I would choose one of the blue ones to color in the sky. I would begin at the top of the page and make my way down, back and forth. How far down do I go? The ground is already colored in, a patch of green reaches a third of the way up from the bottom of the page. Does the sky go all the way down to the ground? No. I’ll stop coloring the sky about here. There!

One third of the page would be green, the top third was blue, and there was blank manilla paper in the middle, etched with circles and lines that parodied the few people and one animal I knew of, a nuclear family isolated from everything. The world was stratified, from bottom to top - earth and grass - several people accompanying one small house pet - sky. A three-tiered world like a tricolor flag, and people are in the middle. Heaven and earth don’t meet.

Our world stands in between, in limbo.

Now, I know. This sky loves the ground, enfolding the land and water. She could never stand to be separate. The sky is the air on my face, on my arms and in my chest. It reaches into my lungs. It travels in my blood, carried on rusted iron. It is my first introduction to infinity, and it’s the ground my dreams are built on. This sky is beyond the air. It is the sun, the moon and the stars high above. It is the space that our earth, our sea and sky move within, one infinite sky. It is inhabited by beings that I cannot even imagine. It’s full of the dust of stars that are creating new stars and planets, complete with other skies. These are our stars, this our sky! I hope I’m not dreaming.

The Art of War

2006-09-07T17:30:00.000-07:00

The way is without fighting.

[edited 12.22.06]
"unless you are as eager for nirvanic bliss as a man whose hair is on fire would be for a pond in to which to dive. don't start. it's too tough."

why would someone on fire to create nirvanic bliss ever want to put the fire out?
[edit 07.31.07]
It's the drive and WILL that qualifies the desire. The metaphor is of the amount of devotion to the cause. As one whose hair is on fire would struggle to put out the flames, one would feel the devotion to nirvana... bliss. The acheivement is really in the letting GO. No need to prove the desire. The act itself should be sufficient. LET it BE no need to reflect an illusion of control. The real process is allowing the release of all identity and EGO on your way to some everlasting. Words escape me.

lion=sun
the womb=relationship to the mother.
fire=transformation. all within the mother. moon and serpent represent the power of life to throw off death and come to new birth. Bull=Moon. life=sorrow. opposites. no value--->transcend. when the sun sets it is not in darkness...it is disengaged with time.

time, space, causality. [break the causal chain]

myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths. finding your own dream and following it through will lead you to the myth world in which you live.

dream---->vision---->god=heaven and hell are within you. the truth of truths=when you are awakened. in dreamless sleep you are conscious, but it is covered over by darkness. go awake into that sphere of no specific thing. waking consciousness deals only with that which has already happened, deep sleep holds all that is future. the future comes from no where else but the energies inside you.

vision past the veil-the wisdom body within the world around. then symbols became interpreted as fact, not a symbol. there is good and evil in nature we do not yield. we have lost the symbols. jung can you help "me"? money for a dreamer. will we actualize? what have you done to deserve anything close to sublime? earth=matter. earthling? vishnu sleeps on the cosmic serpent. floats on the cosmic sea and dreams the cosmic universe and every time he opens his eyes a new universe appears then closes. every time i carry you this way the expansion of time occurs and very few see the change it creates on the surface.

Seek the power within yourself. I don't care about you as much as you know nothing of me. Let's keep it that way. Relationships are always if-y.

Reichian armour

2006-08-22T00:31:00.000-07:00

After 14 years of having an idea of what Spalding Gray meant when he posed the question, "Why are you so, armoured, as in Reichian armour?" (from the film/book Monster in a Box), I now know. The twist in this discovery is where I found it...researching Chaos and Thelema. Go figure. There are really no coincidences. So, I'd like to share this nugget of info from Wilheim Reich...

Character armour then, in Reich's terms, is the sum total of our defences against external threats and internal excitation or distress. It stays with us in later life, and limits our freedom of expression, the depth of our emotional responses and our feelings of aliveness. Reich would say it arises as a response to fear and threatening situations, as well as from frustration of our primary needs - the latter being for healthy, warm physical and emotional contact. It is both psychic and somatic. He said "functional identity means nothing more than muscular attitudes and character attitudes have the same function in the psychic mechanism: they replace one another and can be influenced by one another. Basically they cannot be separated … tensions are not the "results", "causes", "accompanying manifestations" of "psychic processes"; they are simply these phenomena themselves in the somatic realm". The unity of psyche and soma is expressed in the diagram on the cover of all his books — two arrows curling in to meet each other, both expressions of an underlying energetic process.

And, if you can overlook the typos this is a fantastic essay by Alistar Livingston, check this out.

and this...

The Art of the Butterfly

2006-08-10T10:58:00.000-07:00

Dreams and Reality. How do we morph (i.e. a special effect that changes one image into another through a seamless transition) between these stages. How do we identify between illusion and matter? As the Buddhist say, "Beyond form, beyond the present." Perhaps I've read, heard or dreamed this somewhere or sometime, I cannot recall. Perhaps I am too enmeshed in maya. Or, could it be that I'm too focused on the symbol to move beyond the physical? Nevertheless, this is how it appears:

As applied to the 4 stages in becoming a butterfly
1. The egg = recalling dreams
2. The caterpillar = interpreting the dream
3. The cocoon = becoming the dream
4. The butterfly = enjoying the dream

Now, introducing that concept of the cycle of life and the stages in a linear sense, bend the edges. Now you can form a circle (in your mind). A round. Even better defined, a Mandala. A synonym for sacred space. Often referred to as a geometric design symbolizing the universe (usually set within a 'O'). The root manda = essence, add la and you now have your container. Perhaps we enter stage 5 here.

The universe is the container, a circle very much like a zero enso.

This universe is inseparable. Firstly, in India the adoption of zero '0', was associated with a doctrine which negated the reality of the material world. In sanskrit the word for zero is sunya, which means empty. Empty is not equal to nothing. In math there is a concept known as Frobenius endomorphism (field theory). In which all fields of characteristic '0', and all finite fields are perfect. Extend this still curving line of reasoning to include the word maya. In sanskrit its original meaning was the power to divide. In time it came to mean illusion or the material aspect of the universe as illusion. Now, follow me here, this is where we bring the ring to a close. We are contained within a universe that is capable of perfection, capable of sacred geometry, capable of change; and at the same time zero does not exist. All is illusory. Each memory deposited into the banks of our mind is empty.

Empty the container. The adoption of '0' negates the reality of the material world. What stage in this process am I in? Well, I find myself unable to define that at the present time. Perhaps none of the above and more approximately, the event horizon...the point of no return.

Summer Solstice Sunrise

2006-07-25T21:34:00.000-07:00

Super String theory and other such stuff...you can play along if you wish.I took this photo just as the Sun was making It's entrance on the day of the Summer Solstice. My David and I had gone camping and the light reflecting on the water was beautiful. I recently discovered a similarity between this photo and the cover of Kate Bush's latest release Aerial. It may be a stretch of my own imagination but, never the less I saw it.

Consider this...

2006-07-03T04:20:00.000-07:00

At times we may think we have no control. It is in these moments perhaps, within the matrix of the World of the Here and Now, that we meet our future selves. If you can handle the TRUTH you will find yourself face to face with what you have been searching for. Enter with caution and a heart of TRUTH and rest assured that all will be well. Just keep in mind what it is you wish to design and the world around you will convey it beautifully and limitless. The answer to so many questionable moments, dreams and desires, will be answered for a lifetime. And, who could possibly want for more. Lie down. Relax. No worries. No reason.

welcome to the inbetween

2006-06-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

We've become numb and complacent in the way we approach music. You could just explore the past, but does it really speak to you in the same way as something created in your time with the intention of getting across very complex emotions? It's time for renewal. We need to cleanse the system and reinvent it so we can really FEEL again. We need to find and create work that is provocative. Work that can STEAL up on us when we're relatively unaware, and really blow our hearts and minds wide open.

David Sylvian

"Hey it's the Sun" II

2006-06-16T16:46:00.000-07:00

The Gayatri Mantra

OM Bhur Bhuva Svah
Tat Savitur Varenyam
Bhargo devasya dhimahi
Dhiyo yonah Prachodayat OM

OM Oh Thou Who givest sustenance to the Universe.
From Whom all things proceed and to Whom all things return,
Unveil to us the face of the true Spiritual Sun,
Hidden by a disc of golden light,
That we may know the Truth,
And do our whole duty as we journey to
Thy Sacred feet. OM

The Gayatri Mantra is a quintessential reflection of the blazing Omniscience of Divinity captured in 24 syllables. It is a homage to the Sun the Sublime; a symbol of the radiance of the Divine vibrating through the earth, heaven, and the intervening spaces, inspiring life with energy, intelligence and blessed joy. The splendour of Lord Savitur, the creator Sun, is like the galactic explosion of a thousand suns bursting forth on the horizon in the first morning of the Universe - the same as Lord Krishna revealed to Arjuna in the Bhagvad Gita.

(source-www.livingstonemusic.net)

Project Lucidity

2006-05-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

And it is so...abandon the ego. Reach not for the stars, forget all you think you know.
Flight is the path of my soul.

Are we the ones we have been waiting for?
Sleep not to dream, awake and aware that we are most definitely here.
Among who and what, remains the question.

A quatrain sets us apart. Words from a book printed on paper.
Published. Yet, we blush.
Keep it simple. No more codes.
From scroll to codex, we have defined our history.

And everything goes on and on as before. Where is the "will to power"? We repeat all we fail to put to memory.
Here comes another semiconscious moment to overwhelm you...
And again the consolation waits until morning.

Will it find you mourning, for yesterday?

It wasn't a dream...

2006-05-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

At the moment, it seems that in the process of life, losing yourself is necessary, possibly to discover that you were never really gone in the first place.

The body, as I see, at the moment, is a fairly ingenious series of connected bones, nerves and skin. Consciousness is something else entirely.

Every atom and cell, joined for a reason. Reason, seems to be losing its hold. Perhaps, if I shall be so bold, we have no knowledge of what consciousness holds.

With a thought, great things can abound. Yet, how does reason seem clear to fit its way into this crowd? Forget that flawed mind set and sign up for what may appear to be a fantasy!

Are we not the grand creator in this supposed idea of "reality"?

As below, so above = No more excuses

2006-05-24T22:12:00.001-07:00

Sit, breathe. Pay attention to what's happening right here and now.
Most of the stuff that is going on in our mind is not about what is happening right here and right now. Check it out sometime and see: most of the stuff that is going on in your mind is either chasing after the past or chasing after the future. Or worrying about the future and regretting or chewing over the past incessantly. And, figuring out who to blame for all our difficulties.

Rilke once said:
i beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer...

I'm begging you, LIVE THE DREAM! Right here and right now, no more excuses.

ebb and flow

2006-05-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

The Sun, oh, this game you play with the clouds. Playing cat and mouse :) Thankful for the light you bring at night, as the Moon shines and basks in the glory of you and the Earth Mother.

Inspiring... the winds brush my skin. Now, where will you take my mind today and ultimately, where will I land? As the words surface..... will they ever suffice in bringing to light the direction I wish for the outward flight of my internal / external soul?

Flow, wind, flow. Brace myself... fight the urge to define my mind... keep steady. Flow, words, flow. The daily duties seem so small in comparison to the divine drive to gain clarity in this world of ever present breathing without assistance.

So, I continue to fight against the internal resistance. And, I continue to fight against this external existence.

[RESISTANCE (n) the process by which the ego keeps repressed thoughts and feelings from the conscious mind]

Woke from a dream.....

2006-05-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Remember me?
Longing for instead of letting go. Carrying on, not living in.
What are these bright lights that keep falling from the sky?
Perhaps we can no longer support this grave greed?
For we are fallen and there is no well here.
No wish, no coin, no value.
The wait, the weight...

Lie down in a restless slumber. "I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress... I repeat."

Dreams so real (surreal) when will I wake from this blackout? Just what will the void hold? Sound?

A matrix of tunnels, long streams of light bending towards memories of past, present, future.

Perhaps a waterfall? A resonant frequency of recycled sound. [If you don't know now you soon will know what this means.]

Turning, turning, got to get off this wheel ---> Go towards the center!
I touch my toes on the ground and yet I feel no ground below my feet. My head is dizzy with fear. And is there no one capable here to pull me up by the spine and free this soul from this world line of insanity?

Take my hands and steady me as I drift through this dream life of uncertainty.

Feels like a loss of innocence.
------------------------------------>Surrender to who you are.

another tricky mission for the celestial pilot

2006-05-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

When I crossed the bridge
I knew that I'd be leaving you.
Never got the chance to feel the
Peace and harmony
Being up there would bring to me

So, I close my eyes and I throw my prized dream away because,
I knew that choice was made... before I even had a say.

Just hanging in there was never enough.
Now I wish for you... moments of being that are TRUE.

I lost my way and I found you.
The sky lit up when you walked thru.
My golden one. Me smiling at you.
I'll never forget all the wonder and awe
That we both viewed. We shared so much.
Yet the truth was set,
Before we had the chance to make a difference.

Now I just hold you tight, because I know
When I let go...
I won't have the strength to fight.

I follow where my heart takes me
I let my mind break free and I see...
Just hanging in there would never be enough... for me.

At The End Of Time

2006-05-03T01:06:00.000-07:00

Wish upon a star. What are you left with? A cool breeze upon you now. Wanting knowledge of everything. Wasted wishes and time tick tocks along. What happens in those moments between the ticking and the tocking? You're still there. What will you do in those moments of silence?

Will you ever learn to listen to the wind that blows deep within your soul? Where will your heart take you? Is your wish to be a star? Go, be on your way. Say you are free to be. What is your wish that you will ultimately relinquish?©

It would be nice to KNOW. Yet here we cuddle within the plush moments that settle upon our souls. How free it would be to choose to just say NO! What is the difference between serving time among the wise and doing time in a penitentiary? You are always free. No matter how the seconds tick the time out. Freedom is a choice, a state of being.

The revelation is in acting out what it is you want for the future. The answer lies within. The search is never easy. I know how obvious that statement may seem. But, do you really allow yourself the freedom to act as you please. Or, isn't the case that you find yourself acting appropriate in order to ease the space between?

[edit] alternate ending paragraph is as follows:

The revelation is in acting out what it is you want for the future. The answer lies within. The search is never easy. Not only do you hold the key. You alone...designed it. Now create the music you've been waiting for. How else will you open that trap door? Freedom, requires no physical KEY! What you've locked away and buried so deep; will release at the very moment those ethereal and harmonius waves of sound finally surface... from WITHIN

Paradise - by Robert Fripp

2006-05-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

Paradise – Paradise Lost – Paradise Regained.

Paradise is our natural condition. This is the good news.
Our condition is unnatural. This is the bad news.

Love cannot bear that even one soul be denied its place in paradise. This is even better news.
But, we cannot bear love. This is terrible news.

Paradise is always available. This is more good news.
But, we are not always available to paradise. This is more bad news.

Firstly, we are in paradise.
Secondly, we fall from paradise.
Thirdly, we recognise that we have fallen from paradise.
Fourthly, we acknowledge our fall.
Fifthly, we address the journey that is our returning to Paradise, our becoming more fully who & what we are, which enables us to bear the world of the Real.

There is more good news: help is waiting for us. Actually, help has always been with us, but we were not able to accept Help. This is a condition of the Fall.

Paradise regained, for those prepared to persist in reclaiming what is (in a proper world) a natural state, is to know Paradise as if for the first time.

And, when we find ourselves once more in Paradise, we may find Paradise itself only a beginning.-Robert Fripp

“Being aware is not being conscious. Consciousness is being aware that we are aware”(Fripp). --->Various disciplines can be bridges from awareness to consciousness, from ‘knowing about’ to ‘knowing’. Fripp's solo guitar voice is consciousness emerging from mere awareness. I get the sense that he has the ability to construct light via sound. A fantastic example of what being in discipline can do!

To the seeker of truth

2006-04-27T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sol, my buddy , my friend on the quest.

Oh , have you just opened up a can of worms...so to speak! The question you are asking is an Existential one. I know you're familiar with Sartre and Existentialism(e.g. No Exit). During the mid 90's, I spent quite a bit of time exploring this question you've presented. Which by the way boils down to, "being before essence". Existentialism is an introspective humanism or theory of man, that says: human existence is not exhaustively describable or understandable in either scientific or idealistic terms and relies on a phenomenological approach that emphasizes the analysis of critical borderline situations in mans life. And as I understand it to include, anxiety, suffering and feelings of guilt in order to show the need for making decisive choices which include our own free will. And, making these decisions based upon our knowledge of the fact that they are based on a utilization of man's freedom in an uncertain contingent and apparently purposeless world (ergo) man's existence precedes his essence.

My question at that time was: If man precedes his essence, one must conclude that he has the potential of becoming the exact image of someone else. Perhaps even one's IDOL. Since we make our own meaning, perhaps we can fashion ourselves entirely after someone we believe who has attained their pure being/essence. Granted, this is purely an individual judgment and therefore a purely individual journey, in that sense. By following in someone else's footsteps (i.e. training, book knowledge, societal norms) we lose out on becoming pure beings and accept that we become in a sense a symbol for that which we only desire. And, at this point we no longer go beyond pure potential and remain limited. And as we know now, we are limitless in our potential. We are always learning, growing and gaining new information that informs us that we have no preset limits. We are not an imitation of life. But, a life with pure potential.

We are active participants. The existential thinker believes that if he does not act, and remains only a spectator/ impartial observer he will find fulfillment (this way of thought is false;IMO). We are always and necessarily a participant. And, as such our life is a continual series of decisions. We most certainly do not view the universe impartially or impersonally.

The way I see it; after we embody this skin we move through certain states: Delusion(child), Analysis(pre-adult), Transcendence(quest-i'm gonna go with 30's), and finally Consciousness(the awareness of being embodied), all necessary modes of being if your will is to move beyond the here and now towards a true will and enlightened existance (BLISS).

Breaking the veil, so to speak, becoming embodied, does not mean that we have some sort of pre-determined outcome. We follow the Sun or a path that throughout our lives shifts and changes as we become more aware of the fact that we have control of what we wish our destiny to be. Obiviously some more than others recognise this fact and gain control more easily. The hardest factor to overcome is that we really have no control. We become responsible members of a society. And, IMO, once we become aware of "responsibilty", our freedoms then become limited, then we lose out and our desire to become pure beings with true will has been intercepted by external forces that hold us back. And we follow the sheep(society), we are then one among many. And in my opinion, being, in a mass of sheep asleep is not what I have been striving towards.

Remember that in life there is always "cause and effect", you just have to know how to recognise when it is no longer beneficial to respond and choose to turn away, and say "dude, I'm so outta here."

Misha [a.k.a. Luna] - The Light in the Dark

Moon Goddess

2006-04-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

A World Apart

CURRENT MOON

lunar phases

MOON GODDESS

THE WAXING, FULL, AND WANING PHASES OF THE MOON SYMBOLIZE THE CYCLE OF LIFE FROM BIRTH TO DEATH. THE MOON GODDESS BRINGS TO LIGHT THE CONNECTION WITH THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUSNESS.

Pathway to Bliss

2006-03-31T23:37:00.001-08:00

Yep. They are with us. Why else do we come into being and out of being constantly? The experience of being has to be in order to build memories and learn from history and the story we create with the dawn of each sunlit, glorious day!

The connections we make leave an impression not unlike a watermark, embedded into our visceral being. [Cue sarcastic voice..eh hem], "I thank god for the ones that have been engraved" (very much in the style of Durer).

Leave desire and fear behind. You will have no need for them there. Arrive soft and plushly with the knowledge of...Well, I guess you'll just have to see it for yourself to believe it. Empirical knowledge is what we citizens of earth thrive on. No LOGIC there.

If that line is so easily crossed, between being and non-being, then why do we ever cast our shadows onto that path? We get attached. We enjoy happiness and except sorrow as an even trade as we slide through these crazy days.

Yah, go ahead, click on the X. Maybe you'll see what I mean.

Serotonin

2006-03-29T21:16:00.000-08:00

Why do I supplicate?
For whom do I wish peace?

What have these end days of the deceased been rattling bells and chains for?

Who will hear the clatter and awake from this incessant banter of "real" life in exchange for a treat of well wishes full of laughter?

We all see where this is going yet fall blind and act efficiently yet knowing. Oh, I too, have fallen for the lies that cloud our minds and say "Hey, Keep Going!".

How easy it is to vacate these eyes that bind. Yet, I'm only sure of what I know now doesn't exist. Things move rapidly.

The dead are haunting me. My mind's hallucinating lucidity.

flee, shun, avoid,escape.....let's get it over

Footsteps in the dark

2006-02-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

Did I submit?

You know there are some people who have this incredible ability to make everything they touch turn to gold. And, others who can't save their own souls and believe everything they're told.

What a chained life they live. Can't get from 4 to 5, even if someone gives them a map to read. Oh ya, that's right, "can't read a map." North, South, East, West - what's that?

So here they sleep in a state where they appear to speak of nothing but, "godless criminals." Yet he holds onto a dream, not knowing that the committed crime was holding me back in order to waste my time.

My breath wasted for paper. My life spent seeking the light.

A crime! I tell you, a CRIME!!!
This life I walk through is not mine. It would have been better to run when the chance was there. But, they took that too. I knew I would have to stay here, doing time for a crime I failed to commit (to memory).

Now, that eternity's end is near, a sheepish smile appears. Perhaps, I know I have paid my dues and soon I will be motile in a place with a much less sanguinary point of view.

They say, "letting go is the hardest part," but, nay I say, "perpetual hell has been the brine of this heart." And, let me tell you, that shit's as thick as a brick and harder than iron. That's the stuff I've been blowing with air and with water to rust, so I may be on my way from this inbetween flux. And, maybe... No, no more maybes!!! Then, my mind and heart will be FREE!!! ------ Just around the corner there's a rainbow in the sky and I will be violet in that bending light that lays ahead.

But, (and this is a big BUT) you have to be dead to get those wings growing and leave behind this toxic air that is blowing. No sleep for the weary. That's why I speed through each day with a goal that says to me, "I am knowing". And, I AM!!! For since I was a child, this day has been brewing, where the chains of all eyes will break as if they had been made of ice. Yet, sadly, I was not so aware that I could keep them from showing me lies and "magic" done with smoke and mirrors. And, I fell for the traps laid by the elders who proclaimed, "better the devil you know than the one you don't."

How many mirrors have you broke? Now, breakdown the myth!!! Unlearn the lies and shut out their eyes. Open to a new world, where crops lay down by the vibrations of the wise. They're telling you something. So, open that door. There is no such thing as heaven or hell in the world of the knowing.

Get there fast, for time is not with us. And, that wormhole to the stars will too collapse. And, wouldn't you rather be light than a rock that will one day become dust on a world that's dying?

I AM NOT DREAMING! AWAKE, I SAY! AWAKE!!! Madness pervades. The crowds are led by fools these days. Become LIGHT - why do you think they call it enlightened? IN - LIGHT - END

New Anthem

2006-01-30T22:21:00.000-08:00

Oh, can you smell the air of our fate and carry on in this realm filled with hate? I can hear the carrion crow as he caws at the first sight of the sunlit globe. I hear the diesel engine roar across the great land of the green and the blue. Land that once belonged to my people and sold for a bead. In the time of wasting blood for soil.

Now we grieve this grave deed and must carry on, so the mother may find the need to save what is left of our beautiful DREAM.........

For ours is not to wonder why. Just float along in this airy sky, filled with dark and with light, knowing we could never give up or fight. For flight was not part of the trade as we continue to break ground on this new age. It will happen as it is intended to be. And, so, while we kill those who we think are our foe, we will end up choosing only to let go.

And, wise you would be not to listen to me. For there is much unlearning to be had. How else can you be considered mad among this wasteland of DEAD? No dread for the weary, we have cut ourselves off. And, pretend to be cheery as we cut their heads off.

Now, to bed with you all and dream of a time where we all lived in peace. That will be the only remnant of this veil of deceased.

My Nervous System

2006-01-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

Broken inside for a long time now.
People waiting to take a hit.
You're such easy prey
(for the people you've met).
And, you've only yourself to blame.

Searching for knowledge from within.
Waiting to smash the PURIST mind.
Not as innocent as you thought.
Giving love out, but, not taking it in.
Can't stay hard, now SHARP.
And, you've only yourself to blame.

Building walls to keep the eyes out.
Closing doors to keep the light out.
Shattered ego to the core.
Living with one foot in the grave (5 more left).

Hopeless and helpless and less, useless.
Now the pointed edges cut and everyone
shares your shame.
And, you've only yourself to blame.

If I'm taught it, what use is it?
Useless, I teach it.

A World Apart

2006-01-30T20:06:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from Dr Michio Kaku + my take on 4 -->5

If we are flung into hyperspace, we would see a collection of spheres, blobs, and polyhedra which suddenly appear, constantly change shape and color, and then mysteriously disappear. Higher dimensional people, therefore, would have powers similar to a god: they could walk through walls, disappear and reappear at will, reach into the strongest steel vaults, and see through buildings. They would be omniscient and omnipotent.

Light, for example, may be viewed simply as vibrations in the fifth dimension. The other forces of nature may be viewed as vibrations in increasingly higher dimensions. At first glance, however, the four fundamental forces seem to bear no resemblance to each other.
Gravity is the force which keeps our feet anchored to the spinning earth and binds the solar system and the galaxies together. Without gravity, we would be immediately flung into outer space at l,000 miles per hour. Furthermore, without gravity holding the sun together, it would explode in a catastrophic burst of energy. Electro-magnetism is the force which lights up our cities and energizes our household appliances. The electronic revolution- which has given us light , TV, the telephone, computers, radio, radar, microwaves, light bulbs, and dishwashers- is a byproduct of the electro-magnetic force. And, where would we be without these plush conveniences? Believe me, all this had to happen before this moment, or I would never have the awareness that I have now. Knowing that leaving this world of technology behind would be the first step towards freedom.

The five dimensional theory of gravity reduces down precisely to Einstein's original theory of gravity plus Maxwell's theory of light. In other words, by adding the fifth dimension, we have trivially unified light with gravity. In other words, light is now viewed as vibrations in the fifth dimension. In five dimensions, there is enough room to unify both gravity and light.

The funnel of a black hole necessarily connects our universe with a parallel universe. Furthermore, if the funnel connects our universe with itself, then we have a “worm hole”!

Over the years physicists like Roy Kerr as well as Kip Thorne at the Calif. Institute of Technology have found new solutions of Einstein's equations in which the gravitational field does not become infinite at the center, i.e. in principle, a rocket ship could travel through the Einstein-Rosen bridge to an alternate universe (or a distant part of our own universe) without being ripped apart by intense gravitational fields. (This wormhole is, in fact, the mathematical representation of Alice's Looking Glass.)

{edit 12.28.07}
(Thorne is undaunted by the fact that the energy necessary to open an Einstein-Rosen bridge exceeds that of a star, and is hence beyond the reach of present-day technology. But to Thorne, this is just a small detail for the engineers of some sufficiently advanced civilization in outer space!) Thorne even gives a crude idea of what a time machine might look like when built. (Imagine, however, the chaos that could erupt if time machines were as common as cars. History books could never be written. Thousands of meddlers would constantly be going back in time to eliminate the ancestors of their enemies, to change the outcome of World War I and II, to save John Kennedy's and Abraham Lincoln's life, etc. “History” as we know it would become impossible, throwing professional historians out of work. With every turn of a time machine's dial, history would be changing like sands being blown by the wind.)

the mind is so full of possibilities... imagine then what "REALITY" can offer

if these statements based on scientific research can bring about a desire to shift the universe as we know it... (from 4 to 5) what can you do? Bring it on. We have and continue to break the boundaries of matter and consciousness, now, know that YOU can TOO. Dream and DREAM BIG. You are the creator of your own reality.

"Hey It's the Sun"

2006-01-28T19:57:00.000-08:00

Your light eclipsed the moon tonight.

It was the experience of knowing the only light at night is the light of the SUN!!!! I remember reaching my hands up as if to grab a rope and pull the light down onto my face and bathe in the rays of that circle. It was beautiful. It was after sh****s. It was altered ego! The light and sound of my life made sense.

Who said "you'll sleep when you're dead"?

2006-01-27T01:50:00.001-08:00

As I drift between these moments of air, I wish to sleep, yet sleep is not here. He hides in shadows of dreamless nights and presses down upon my pulse. The beat is frantic and filled with toxic air. But, yet, I seek this enemy of the aware.

I have visited those visions of Cocteau and rhyme for no reason but, to let these thoughts flow. How hollow this rambling on goes and still my eyes of light refuse to close.

It appears as if my wish to let go, would find me in the morning, mourning the moments that I know are ahead for this foolish old soul. Believe me when I say, it all had to happen this way, if there was ever going to be a chance for me to break free from this external resistance, a semblance, a blip on the circle.........that I have SPENT my life fighting against.

List, oh list.....